We're Gonna Wog Down to Electric Avenue and Then We'll Take it Higher!

So this morning I awoke to the sounds of pouring rain. And as all Houston-area Woggers know, this was a big deal. I got so excited that I put on some wick-away clothing and filled the spreader with fertilizer and quickly fertilized the lawn. The rain felt so good after I finished I just stood in the rain for a few moments feeling the strange sensation on my skin. I even got to watch stuff float down the street.

I thought about how nice it was to stand in the rain and how it would even be better to Wog in the rain. The problem was, as I looked at my watch, that I had about 15 minutes before I needed to be in the shower so as to be in church on time. What to do? What to do?

I came up with a brilliant idea. Better to Wog for 15 minutes in the rain than no Wog at all. As I thought this out more I came up with an idea so awesome I scared myself with its power, just a little bit.

I decided to see if I could run as fast as I could all the way around my block. Many of you will be able to see my fatal flaw right off the bat: In no way does "Wog" ever sound anything like "run as fast as I can."

Regardless, I took off with the idea still in my head that is the best idea I have ever had!

So off I go. And I flew like the wind. And by that I mean the wind on a very calm day. I was a beautiful sight to behold. Like a gazelle I flew for about 8 houses. And then my thoughts began to wander.

My first thought was "What the hell was I thinking? How could this ever have been seen as a good idea? A chimpanzee could have seen this coming."

My thoughts continued in this vein until I reached the end of my street and turned right. Technically at this point I was still going as fast as I could but words like gazelle would no long cross any one's mind. Indeed if anyone saw me their only thought would be to preemptively call 911. It was at this point I started to wonder why someone was using a pile drive at 7:45 on a Sunday morning in a suburban neighborhood. As I turned around to find the heavy machinery clearly not zoned for this area I realized that it was my heart making all this noise, and I considered the fact that this is what it sounds like when a heart explodes (either that or when doves cry - I've heard like three Prince songs this weekend).

I was now almost to the street behind me and I came to the realization that maybe I should reduce all engines to Wogging Power. This presents a few problems:

1. I'm embarrassed I can't sprint more than 100 yds.
2. I am really not near my house and my 15 minutes are quickly evaporating.
3. It has stopped raining and now is kind of like a sauna.
4. I wonder if I could catch a ride home on the unicorn running along beside me?

Ok, I made that last one up. But I was light headed enough to maybe hallucinate.I  think hallucinating would make long distance running better anyway. Sometimes it can get a little boring out there. Imagine if you did have a unicorn running beside you the whole time. I think everyone would enjoy that.

As I walked along the street behind my house I decided to slow down and smell the roses. Well, at least I slowed down, with the drought I doubt anyone has roses blooming right now. But I did notice how some houses looked and who had done some upgrades, who had given up on the lawn. I also noticed that this street seemed to last forever. How is this even possible. I mean there are the same amount of houses on this street as their are on mine. Yet I felt like I had been Wogging forever. The only answer I could come up with was someone had used the trick from Harry Potter to hide buildings that we Muggles can't see. Yes! This must be it. How cool is that, I live one block from the American Safe House for the Order of The Phoenix. Harry, Ron and Hermione could be anywhere. Maybe I could get Harry and Ron to teleport me back to my house and Hermione could nurse me back to health.

As I Wogged down the street that would never end my thoughts left the unicorn and were with my new love, Hermione. She and I continued our romantic Wog in the sauna discussing the finer points of why Barty Crouch's son had to come up with an elaborate plan to turn the Tri-Wizard cup into a Portkey instead of just saying "Hey Harry, could you pick up that book" one day after class.

I finally came to the end of magic street and reality came crashing back. I looked at my watch.Crap! I should have been in the shower 10 minutes ago and I still was four houses away from home so I finished how I began: Running as fast as I could.

So what's the lesson here boys and girls? First, I need to remember who I am. I'm a Wogger dammit. Second, I have way too much time on my hands. Next, I have a total nerd crush on a fictional character and I'm ok with that. And our final lesson for today is: I have a long way to go to get in good shape.

I hope you all start the week well. Talk to you in a few days Woggers

Wogging and the Art of Money Management

Hello Woggers.

Thanks for being patient. It was a long week at work and I was late at the office for a few nights and it was hard to get a minute to sit down and blog. Coffey, our faithful reader, touched my heart by letting me know she missed yesterday's installment. I hope she and all of you enjoyed the triathlon script from Scrubs.

So as many of you may know, I work for a non-profit organization that provides mostly education and counseling. I am a financial coach there and help people to learn how to manage their money. Now when we think of Money Management many of us think about high finance. While I used to have a Series 7 broker's license at one time, for the most part this is not the type of management I am talking about. I am talking to people and coaching them on how to manage their income to make ends meet. It is very rewarding work and I have been struck more and more about how similar it is to me trying to get in shape.

First they both require discipline. You have to make the decision to live on a budget, or as we like to call it "a spending plan" (much more positive). Like wise, I had to decide to try and lose weight and get in shape by changing my diet. Usually both these things require lifestyle changes. For me, they both cross on another. One of my great vices is soft drinks and eating out. Not only do these things put on the pounds, they also drain the bank account. But if you are in the habit, like my wife and I were, of eating out a lot, it requires a lifestyle change to save money and lose weight by eating in.

And we can talk all we want about going to the gym and sticking to what the exercise plan is, just like I can show someone a monthly spending plan that allows them to meet all their needs, but without discipline they are both worthless. It requires action and change to implement the plan.

Second, and this is really part of lifestyle change so maybe I should call it step 1.2, is to readjust priorities. Often I make my clients write down their priorities and then I help them think through them. Everyone wants to pay for house then car. Shouldn't food come before car? Well yes, but we don't think of food as a bill so people usually leave that for the end. What about saving? "Well I'll just save what I have left at the end of the month people say." If you do that you won't save. Make your priority list. It's the same as when I am deciding how to spend me time and decided where exercise makes the list.

Second (remember I changed the last step to 1.2), I often meet with people who's expenses are larger than their income. I tell them there are only three things they can do.

1. Reduce expenses
2. Increase income
3. Do both

And really, at the end of the day, that's it. That all they can do. And I can help them look for ways to do both things but there is no silver bullet to solve your financial problems. There is just one of those choices. Likewise, if I want to lose weight I can do one of three things.

1. Reduce caloric intake
2. Increase caloric output
3. Do both

Again, there is no silver bullet. Trust me, I have looked for one. Sometimes I will see ads on TV that tell me I can lose weight without doing anything but really, they are just trying to separate me from my hard earned money. Which we already know, is not in the budget.

Lastly, I realize that they both require not just a plan, but goals. I make my clients write down what their long-term goals are. I hear things like buy a house, get debt free, save for my children to go to school, buy a car, stop living paycheck to paycheck. These are all great long-term goals. We get there by having short-term goals. If your goal is to get completely out of debt your first goal is to create a budget that allows you to make ends meet without credit. Your next goal is to pay off one debt. Likewise, if I want to Wog this 1/2 marathon, I needed to make sure I could Wog a mile first, then a 5k.

As I get better at my job and better at managing my own finances, I hope to apply these principles more and more to not only my Wogging, but other aspects of life. You see, I have realized over the last few years that I lack self discipline. So I'm working on it. One step at a time. Just like how I am going to complete the 1/2 marathon, one step at a time. Because really, before I can take the step that crosses the finish line, I first have to take the step that crosses the starting line.

I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend and that nothing bad happens to any of you.

One Day More!

Alright Woggers. Due to a few late client meetings we are going to have to hold off until Friday after work for the new post. Sorry. Here is a little something to keep you entertained:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkuVVCLuHpM

Basically I fear I will be JD. (Warning the clip is over 7 minutes)

To all our German and Latvian readers I say Guten Tag and Labdien. To all our American readers I welcome you back to Wogger's World!

Ok fellow Woggers, I did not have a good week last week. At least not in terms of Wogging or diet. I did have some good times in terms of food and television though. The season finale of True Blood was last night and it was pretty good. So was the Moolineum Crunch from Bluebell. I was looking for some Schweddy Balls from Ben and Jerry's but couldn't find any. If any of you have tried the Schweddy Balls let me know how it was. If this makes no sense to you Ben and Jerry's made an Ice Cream based off this old SNL skit: http://www.hulu.com/watch/4156/saturday-night-live-nprs-delicious-dish-schweddy-balls

So as you may recall my plan is to become a morning Wogger and that plan has been a little hit and miss. And by hit and miss and mean mostly miss. I have gotten up a few times but I have found out two things:

1. The Snooze button is my nemesis.
2. I need to go to bed earlier.

I can recall the days of being able to function well on little sleep. To paraphrase Senior Drill Instructor Hartman from Full Metal Jacket, "Those days are over!"

Those of you that are huge fans of the film will recognise this as the scene where the Drill Sargent finds the Jelly Donut in Pyle's locker. I guess I can take comfort in the fact that I don't hide food ... yet.

But getting back to the sleeping issue. I have never been a go-to-bed-early kind of guy. But after my dad died I really started having problems and just between us, I have been taking Ambien pretty regularly. So part of the deal for that good night's sleep is I really need to get 8 hours sleep. So when you do the math, to get up at 4:45 I need to go to bed at 8:45 in the evening. That is difficult. You will recall that the reason why I decided to Wog in the mornings was because we have so much going on as a family in the evenings. I've been thinking for some time that I really need to talk to my doctor about doing a sleep study. Perhaps this is the time. But really I have to wonder how effective it will be because I have enough trouble going to sleep with some melatonin, my sound machine and in my bed. I can't imagine trying to sleep wired up like this dude:

Oh yeah, looks like he's in for a good night's sleep. Any way, we're down to around 60 days and lots of life changing to still do. I just need to remember that changing your life is a marathon, not a sprint. Ha. Get it.