We're Gonna Wog Down to Electric Avenue and Then We'll Take it Higher!

So this morning I awoke to the sounds of pouring rain. And as all Houston-area Woggers know, this was a big deal. I got so excited that I put on some wick-away clothing and filled the spreader with fertilizer and quickly fertilized the lawn. The rain felt so good after I finished I just stood in the rain for a few moments feeling the strange sensation on my skin. I even got to watch stuff float down the street.

I thought about how nice it was to stand in the rain and how it would even be better to Wog in the rain. The problem was, as I looked at my watch, that I had about 15 minutes before I needed to be in the shower so as to be in church on time. What to do? What to do?

I came up with a brilliant idea. Better to Wog for 15 minutes in the rain than no Wog at all. As I thought this out more I came up with an idea so awesome I scared myself with its power, just a little bit.

I decided to see if I could run as fast as I could all the way around my block. Many of you will be able to see my fatal flaw right off the bat: In no way does "Wog" ever sound anything like "run as fast as I can."

Regardless, I took off with the idea still in my head that is the best idea I have ever had!

So off I go. And I flew like the wind. And by that I mean the wind on a very calm day. I was a beautiful sight to behold. Like a gazelle I flew for about 8 houses. And then my thoughts began to wander.

My first thought was "What the hell was I thinking? How could this ever have been seen as a good idea? A chimpanzee could have seen this coming."

My thoughts continued in this vein until I reached the end of my street and turned right. Technically at this point I was still going as fast as I could but words like gazelle would no long cross any one's mind. Indeed if anyone saw me their only thought would be to preemptively call 911. It was at this point I started to wonder why someone was using a pile drive at 7:45 on a Sunday morning in a suburban neighborhood. As I turned around to find the heavy machinery clearly not zoned for this area I realized that it was my heart making all this noise, and I considered the fact that this is what it sounds like when a heart explodes (either that or when doves cry - I've heard like three Prince songs this weekend).

I was now almost to the street behind me and I came to the realization that maybe I should reduce all engines to Wogging Power. This presents a few problems:

1. I'm embarrassed I can't sprint more than 100 yds.
2. I am really not near my house and my 15 minutes are quickly evaporating.
3. It has stopped raining and now is kind of like a sauna.
4. I wonder if I could catch a ride home on the unicorn running along beside me?

Ok, I made that last one up. But I was light headed enough to maybe hallucinate.I  think hallucinating would make long distance running better anyway. Sometimes it can get a little boring out there. Imagine if you did have a unicorn running beside you the whole time. I think everyone would enjoy that.

As I walked along the street behind my house I decided to slow down and smell the roses. Well, at least I slowed down, with the drought I doubt anyone has roses blooming right now. But I did notice how some houses looked and who had done some upgrades, who had given up on the lawn. I also noticed that this street seemed to last forever. How is this even possible. I mean there are the same amount of houses on this street as their are on mine. Yet I felt like I had been Wogging forever. The only answer I could come up with was someone had used the trick from Harry Potter to hide buildings that we Muggles can't see. Yes! This must be it. How cool is that, I live one block from the American Safe House for the Order of The Phoenix. Harry, Ron and Hermione could be anywhere. Maybe I could get Harry and Ron to teleport me back to my house and Hermione could nurse me back to health.

As I Wogged down the street that would never end my thoughts left the unicorn and were with my new love, Hermione. She and I continued our romantic Wog in the sauna discussing the finer points of why Barty Crouch's son had to come up with an elaborate plan to turn the Tri-Wizard cup into a Portkey instead of just saying "Hey Harry, could you pick up that book" one day after class.

I finally came to the end of magic street and reality came crashing back. I looked at my watch.Crap! I should have been in the shower 10 minutes ago and I still was four houses away from home so I finished how I began: Running as fast as I could.

So what's the lesson here boys and girls? First, I need to remember who I am. I'm a Wogger dammit. Second, I have way too much time on my hands. Next, I have a total nerd crush on a fictional character and I'm ok with that. And our final lesson for today is: I have a long way to go to get in good shape.

I hope you all start the week well. Talk to you in a few days Woggers