Top Gear: The perils of looking cool and chaffing.

As we near the Event! (and by event I mean the 1/2 Marathon on Nov. 13 for those who are new or just missing the whole point here) it's time to start thinking not just about getting in shape but looking good on race day.

Once upon a time runners (and basketball players too, that's right, I'm talking about you Larry Bird) were forced to wear horrible outfits. Why were they horrible? They were too short. I mean, did you look at the photo? You didn't really need me to answer that did you?

Now a serious runner might still wear so-called running shorts. But we Woggers know a few things and we know that we do not need silly-looking shorts to shave a little time off our run. We also know that we do not have tiny little runner's legs and if we wear shorts like that we will chafe ourselves into a state of pain beyond all comprehension.

That's why I wear 6" shorts. And really, it's not just for me. It's for the sake of everyone. Again, look at the picture of Larry up there. Does anyone, even his wife, need to see that? No.

Now, there is also a debate as what to wear under your shorts. At least there is for men. I have to claim ignorance here in terms of what ladies wear under (get it ... wear under ... underwear). Many runner's shorts come with a built in lining. Some guys use this as excuse to go free. But let me let you in on the perils of this. We had a guy on the cross country team in high school would went au naturale and this made certain stretches uncomfortable for us all. Perhaps as this paragraph is now. So I advocate underwear. But if you do I might advise a synthetic wick away again to avoid chaffing. If you thought chaffing your thighs was bad imagine chafing your ... let's just move on.

Now I think Woggers could get away with a cotton top. The idea behind a technical shirt (read technical shirt as dry-fit or wick away) is so the shirt doesn't soak up all the sweat and weigh 20 lbs. at the end of the race. But Woggers may not work up that kind of sweat. However, our goal here is more than just practicality. We want to look cool. Because the goal of any endeavor is to have an excuse to get cool gear. So go with the wick-away shirt.

So do you think you should coordinate your separates here? Does it matter if it's after Labor Day? I think Woggers should maybe not have matching uppers and lowers. We want to look like people having fun and exercising, not soccer moms at the the club (sorry soccer moms).

Now some of you may have heard about chaffing nipples. A horrifying prospect to be sure. Some professional runners put tape or band aids over their nippolas to keep this from happening. I have had so many people ask me if I need to do this. That is a real simple answer: No! What part of Wogger sounds like professional runner? Anyway, if you did you run the risk of looking like Any Bernard from The Office when he ran his 5k to cure the rabid.

As far as accessories go I do wear a few. I wear a hat on sunny days because ... well ... ok, I'm getting thin on top. And once you've burned your head two or three times you realize you need a hat. I like synthetic thurlo socks with extra cushioning because I'm extra cushiony around the waist. I wear a little pouch-belt to keep things in because I don't like things in my hands (and by keep things in I mean stuff. I just realized that could sound like the belt helps keep my stomach and other "things" in). A lot of people on the course wear those amphipods but I don't need that much gear or that much damage to my checkbook.

And I think that's about it. I am looking at my possible outfits now and will probably post something of a preview the night before the run. I know you all will wait with baited breath.

Whatever you do decide to wear when you Wog, all I ask is that your represent Wogger's well. For some reason people at Marathon's decide to wear stupid things. There's never a need to be these guys: